Dilemma
by Silver Bullet-kun
Summary: It was a year and a half later, when Conan finally grasped fully his situation with Ran. A year and a half late, when he finally realized how ungentlemanly and selfish it is of him to make her wait for him, when clearly, he himself has no idea on when – or if there is any chance – there will be a closure to this case wherein he is the hapless victim.


So this is the one I'm talking about! Another DC fanfic! I don't really know if I can call it ShinRan XD the pairing is ShinRan of course, but it's not really some ShinRan fluff. Anyway, mostly on Conan's view, but a little bit of Ran's view on the latter part. And btw, this is pre London Arc confession, if you know what I mean *wiggles eyebrows* Haha! So Shinichi here hasn't confessed yet, so it's set about whatever time just before London haha! Hope you like it! Please read and review! :D

**Dilemma**

It was a year and a half later, when Conan finally grasped fully his situation with Ran. A year and a half late, when he finally realized how ungentlemanly and selfish it is of him to make her wait for him, when clearly, he himself has no idea on when – or if there is any chance – there will be a closure to this case wherein he is the hapless victim.

If there was anything he regrets on the whole mess he'd run himself into, it wouldn't be his decision to follow that black-dressed man in Tropical Land, no matter how life-threatening he now knows it was. Rather, it was the fact that he had left Ran out of the blue, without any warning, without any forms of goodbye, no matter how futile.

He had never been one to act impulsively or blindly, and it was clearly a logical reason enough that he agreed with the Professor when the old scientist advised that he lived his new miniature life in the house of his childhood friend and her father, who is a detective. As a 17-year-old brilliant high school student-slash-detective, his new life in his old-new 7-year-old body was neither easy nor ordinary. As he continued to deduce criminals' felonies and fight against his own concealed enemies, he had struggled more to face everyday what was probably his biggest and gravest mishap.

Ran.

Being away from Ran, in the technical sense. Not being able to explain everything, or anything at all for that matter, to Ran. Ran's worries and tears. Everything concerning Ran.

He'd watched her struggle herself. It has been around eighteen months when she had last been with him, officially, before all that missing and running away to "solve another case" had suddenly come up. It was hard at first, to see her worrying excessively over him when days, weeks, and months passed and there was still no trace of him. He had even jokingly thought before that it wouldn't be long before she'd driven herself crazy because of finding him, if not for the Professor's inventions and Haibara's antidote once in a while, which made her able to meet him face to face, and in the flesh, assuring her that he's alive and still as cool as ever with that boyish smile of his plastered on his face when he shows up to her.

After all this time, one would think she had come around the whole situation with Shinichi. True, he's still out there somewhere, although only Kami-sama knows where. But he had assured her that he's alright, and in some way, hearing his voice during phone calls and occasionally seeing him – even though without any notice beforehand – managed to calm her and make her feel settled. But he knows. Oh, he perfectly does. What is he called a detective for, if he cannot see through her pretentions? Added the fact that he's been with her, probably, ever since the day she was born, _plus_ the other fact that he's exceptionally in love with her, which made him pay more attention to her than necessary. So it wasn't a surprise that he is able to see her futile attempts to make herself look okay to everyone, and even when it goes to the point when she even convinces herself that she's okay, just to make her feel any better. But he still hears her crying at night, maybe not as profound as before, but she was shedding tears nonetheless. He catches the longing in her eyes whenever she absentmindedly becomes quiet and thoughtful, and he's positive it was him who she currently thinks of. He even overheard her and Kazuha talking once – when the Osaka couple came over for a social visit – and Ran had said that she misses him so much, and wishes that she could see him again, even if it was only one of those one-time, short-time, show ups. And she had cried, again. It was one of those rare moments now when Ran would cry her heart out. Kazuha comforted her and he was almost positive that the Osaka girl would advise Ran to just forget about him and find someone else to love. One who wouldn't make her wait an eternity without even any word. But Kazuha had only hugged the sobbing girl in her arms, and told her everything's gonna be okay and she should just wait, just as what Kudo had asked her to. Ran only nodded her head and smiled at her friend.

Never once had he questioned himself about wanting her to wait for him. Why would he, he had _wanted_ her to wait for him, at least until this whole ordeal before him ends. And he wanted her to wait for him because he loves her, and he wants to be the only man for her. And he was sure he was coming back to her anyway. Ran wouldn't have minded, because for all he knows, she feels the same way towards him. And she said she would wait, no matter how long it takes.

It was just an ordinary, normal passing day – whatever was ordinary for Conan anyway – but sometimes, the biggest and most life-changing occurrences happen when one least expects it, just like that fateful day in Tropical Land… Just like this day. He was just walking home with the kids all the way from school when it just suddenly hit him. Ran crying, her fears and worries directed towards him, her sorrow and pain, her longing, her very person.

Ran waiting for him.

It was funny how he thought… Or hadn't thought anything wrong in this one aspect of the whole "Conan" thing. Painfully funny. Because all along he had been wrong. It was very wrong from the very beginning, to let Ran wait for him. The danger he was putting her into set aside – because he was already all too well aware of it – there was one other thing equally as dangerous as exposing his loved one to his enemies, that is, making Ran wait and expect for something which he himself is not assured if he could give her. He had been leading her on all this time, asking her with all his selfishness to wait for him. Yes, he had been selfish all this time. Every time he'd ask her the same thing, vaguely aware of what his true intentions were. He was doing it for himself. Because he loves Ran and he doesn't want her to find another guy to share her life with when he's not around to do it with her, although he knows it wasn't his fault in the first place that he can't be with her. But he never realized, until now, that maybe… He's been holding her up, keeping her for himself when he's not even there to show her that he, too, belongs to her. Ran could have moved on with her life, she wouldn't have cried endless tears for endless nights he'd been away, she won't be held back by his memories, if only from the start of it all, he had let her go. Of course, Ran isn't dumb to let herself remain stagnant the whole time he is not with her. She's moving, alright. But he knows, one part of her – a big part for that matter – is stranded in one place, all because of him. He hadn't even told her what he feels, and yet he's keeping her from going out of his zone, from experiencing life outside of his shadow, and maybe even growing up to the very person she is bound to be, maybe – no matter how painful it is – with the man who is willing to give himself to her _and_ be there to fulfill it.

But even though he didn't ask her to wait, he knows she would, at all cost, wait for him. It's basically Ran. She was just as stubborn as he was. And she would wait for him for the same reason that he wants her to wait for him. But it wouldn't be so painful for her if he didn't give her something to hope for.

And he knows just what to do. He just hopes that in time, Ran's waiting would just be a normal occurrence as that of waiting for a friend for lunch, or waiting for a loved one to arrive for their special date, rather than a waiting for someone even if it's the last thing she'll ever do.

"Conan-kun…"

Edogawa Conan momentarily stopped eating and looked at the direction of the voice, a little surprise to see the subject of his thoughts staring down at him with a somewhat gloomy expression despite the calm façade she's probably intending for him to see. He gazed at her quite curiously. He focused on the present and realized how vaguely aware he was of his surroundings. It was only him and Ran on the dining table, he vaguely remembered hearing his uncle that he would be out for mahjong tonight and couldn't come back for dinner. He also realized, though a bit late, that it was eerily quiet between them until Ran had decided to break the unnerving silence. As he looked into her deep, brown eyes, he was suddenly conscious of the backpack he'd arranged a few hours ago, sitting quietly under the bed in his room.

"N-Nani, Ran-neechan…?" he asked, smiling a little.

Ran didn't speak for a while as she just stared at her adoptive brother who resembles no more than the very man who is making her feel all these strange emotions inside her. She doesn't know what happened, she was just there eating with Conan just like every other night, but for some reasons, she felt a sudden nervousness fill her heart, like something unpleasant will dawn upon her. And as she looked at the little boy who was eating his dinner with an unusual silence and calmness around him, she felt the feeling intensified. Then Shinichi entered her mind, and she just about lost it when she called Conan's attention.

Now the little boy stares up at her as she stared at him. His eyes were full of guarded curiosity and she couldn't help but look away. She just feels she'll break down any moment.

Conan blinked at her. "R-Ran-neechan…? Doushitano?"

Ran shook her head and timidly smiled at him. "It's nothing, Conan-kun. It's just that…" She trailed off, contemplating on what she'll tell him.

Conan watched her, anxiously waiting for her to continue. Ran, finally deciding, looked straight into the child's eyes. He noticed they were sad, but kind of hopeful, in a way…

"Conan-kun, do you know… Do you know why I keep on waiting for Shinichi…?"

Conan was quite surprised with her question. His eyes widened a bit, not expecting the suddenness of the topic. "B-Because he asked you to wait for him…? He answered a little hesitantly.

Ran's smile became wider, although there was still sadness in her eyes. "Hai. But that's only one little part of it."

Conan waited with a halted breathe.

Ran tore her eyes away from him and looked down at her lap. "I'm waiting for him because… I'm afraid, Conan-kun."

"Nani?" Conan was seriously not expecting her answer. Feeling confused and shocked at the moment, he watched her face as he let her go on.

"Ever since that day he'd gone and disappeared without telling anyone and didn't come back for days, I've been worried sick that something bad might had happened to him. It's been so long that he hasn't come back yet, and I'm beginning to feel more scared than before…"

He noticed her fist tightly clenched on her lap, and was shocked yet again to see a droplet of tear fall down to her clenched fists. He looked up to see some more tears cascading down her cheeks, and he felt something like a metallic hand grip on his chest. His own small hands clenched into fists tightly. It hurts to see her hurt like this. If there was anything in the world Shinichi or Conan wouldn't want, it is to see Ran crying.

"But it's not just about his safety. I've been grateful to Shinichi that during the times when I am missing him, he'd call in and turn my day around. Because I know he's safe, I'll be okay… But what I'm more worried about is the future. It's uncertain. I don't know what will happen. I don't know when, or if… he'd come back. I don't know what to expect of this future, of our future…"

"R-Ran-neechan…"

"That's why I want to know," She turned to Conan with her tear-streaked face, but with eyes holding more determination than anything Conan or Shinichi had ever seen in her. "I want to know what it would be like. I want to know what the future holds for me and Shinichi. That's why I'm waiting for him to come back… So I would know."

Conan could only stare back at her.

"That's why, I would keep waiting for Shinichi."

It was quiet then at the Mouri household. The two persons inside just stared at each other in silence after the woman expressed everything she's been holding in. Ran couldn't believe she just did that. It was nothing extraordinary, but to have divulged it all out to Conan, she must be feeling so desperate. Granted, she is, but she knew she just had to say it to him. Even if he is just an elementary school kid, he is exceptionally wise at mature things. And she knew, he would understand her.

And he did.

A small smile curved up in Conan's lips. It wasn't a happy smile, nor a sad smile. It was a smile of understanding. He reached forward and touched the older girl's hand with his. The girl was a little surprised, but then she, too, smiled and relaxed under the presence of her own little comfort.

"I understand, Ran-neechan."

Conan closed the door of his room and walked towards his makeup bed beside Kogoro's. He lied down but didn't close his eyes. Ran's words earlier kept ringing in his ears. Maybe he underestimated her a little. He had always known her to be a strong girl, although she is quite emotional sometimes. Every time he felt she needed him badly, he would go out of his way to call her, or sometimes, see her. The mere voice of him would calm her and make her feel alright. This time, she'd done it for him. Just when he thought all hopes are far from his reach and he felt himself stumbling down hard to whatever pit he was falling in, she was the one who reached out to him. Maybe it seemed she was weak for crying out for him again, but it made her strong enough to persuade him, even silently, to keep holding on to them. Her weakness for him had been both their strength.

Ran decided to wait for him. Maybe, he could be selfish, even just this once, until this whole messed up thing is over. After all, he wouldn't be selfish just for himself, he'd do it most especially for Ran. Anyway, he would come back to her, that's for sure. And after everything is over, he swears, he'll make it up to her, even if he would have to do it for the rest of his life. Or even in the afterlife, or in the next life. A smile worked its way to his lips. No, he wasn't happy yet, at least not fully. But he felt lighthearted and peaceful nonetheless. After everything that had happened over the past months, there's still hope for him. He pulled in the covers up to his chest as he closed his eyes. For the first time in months, he was finally able to find his peace being Conan.

**A/N:** The last two paragraphs were rushed, crap -,- Well, I'll take time to edit it once I'm free coz I'm going to continue my other stories too! I hope you like this one, feel free to review if you have any comments, suggestions, or violent reactions :D


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